


So This Is Where It Ends

by NervousAsexual



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Aromantic, Asexual Character, Other, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 18:15:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16645337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NervousAsexual/pseuds/NervousAsexual
Summary: Odo and Kira come to some realizations about themselves. Maybe their relationship hasn't been what they needed for the reason they thought they needed it, but it's a time they wouldn't have missed for anything.





	So This Is Where It Ends

You realize while the two of you are sitting at the replimat. You thought you were watching the customers, especially the Romulan dignitaries sitting dangerously close to the Klingon freight crew, but you look over at Kira and she's oblivious to everything except Jadzia.

She doesn't love you, the voice inside you says. The voice has been many different voices over the course of your life. In the beginning it was Dr. Mora's voice, then the Founder's. These days the voice is just your own.

Though the voice has been known to lie on occasion, you know that this time it's telling the truth. Anyone who looks at Kira right now would know it's true.

Kira does not love you. Kira loves Jadzia. And even if she didn't, you realize now, as she turns to look at you, she could never love you because you are not a woman.

"Odo," she says, her voice softer than you've heard it in a long time.

"Nerys," you say back. You look into her eyes. You want her to know that what's happening is okay.

"Odo, I..." She stops and her eyes sweep over your face, as if she had words but can't find them know. "I'm..."

"If the sentence you're going for is, 'I am a lesbian,' then I understand."

Kira looks surprised. "I was going to say I'm going to get some kava juice... but I guess that works too."

You really should have let her finish her own sentence. You give her what you hope is an apologetic smile. After all these years, it's still hard to tell what sort of face you're projecting.

"Let me guess," she says. "You knew along with everybody else, way before I knew."

"The signs were certainly there," you admit. "But no. I am happy for you."

"I'm sorry, Odo. I was hoping to find a way to tell you that wouldn't make you feel bad."

Kira doesn't love you. You are not what Kira wants. You are a changeling, you could change your shape. You could be more of what she wants. It would not be hard.

But you would be lying, to yourself and to her, and in the end that would only hurt her more.

"Are you really? Happy for me, I mean?"

"Of course." And you are. You would not want her to pretend to be something she isn't. There is too much about Kira that is amazing and wonderful to ever wish for her to change.

"Because I want you to know that I couldn't have come this far without you. I mean, I know you aren't... exactly... one or the other. If it weren't for you I don't know if I would have made the connection..." She sighs and rubs the bridge of her nose. "I couldn't sound much more self-important if I tried, could I? Odo, I didn't want to hurt you. You are so, so important to me."

Kira doesn't love you. But what she doesn't know is that you don't love her, not in the way that she deserves.

The prophets know you've tried. This is what you've seen around you, over and over, in thousands of combinations between thousands of people, and you let yourself be fooled into thinking you might be like them in just this one way. This had to be what they were talking about, didn't it? Maybe it didn't feel like a one to one comparison, but the way you felt about Kira was the nearest you ever came to love.

Is this what the Founders wanted you to realize? That even in the mirror universe where Kira loved you, where ever that may be, you aren't capable of loving her in return? That you are broken? That the only place yu could belong was with them?

But in your heart, or what passes for your heart, you know that's not true. You know this is not a quality of the Founders. This is only you.

"Odo?"

You smile at her. "You are... hem... very important to me as well."

She smiles at you and her eyes soften. "For all that it's worth, Odo, I will always love you. Just maybe not in the way either one of us was expecting."

You look in her eyes and you can see yourself reflected in them. In this moment you know for sure that even if you'd known when you told her how you felt that this was how it would all turn out, you would have done it all exactly the same. Maybe neither of you has turned out to be what either of you expected but you wouldn't have missed this for the world. "And I you, Nerys."

Without either one of you realizing it you each take the other's hand. You know that 'belong' may be too strong a word. You don't 'belong' on the station, and you don't 'belong' with the Founders. Neither of these places will fall apart without you. But you do know one thing: you have something here you will never have with the Founders. You have a friend.

Kira lays her head on your shoulder and the two of you watch Jadzia approach the Klingons. Something interesting is bound to happen.

You aren't broken. Maybe a little warped, and maybe you don't 'belong,' but you do have a place here, and that is perhaps the most amazing gift you've ever been given.


End file.
